Dead or alive, these games suck! And of course, because they’re based on a great movie! Y’know, “RoboCop!” RoboCop, the story of Detroit police officer Alex Murphy, RoboCop, the story of Detroit police officer Alex Murphy, who’s brutally executed and revived as a superhuman cyborg. The original Robocop is an ultra-violent, sci-fi action film, and was awesome! It spawned two film sequels, and even a shitty television series. So of course there had to be video games, especially on the NES. But with Nintendo, it always seemed like they were censoring stuff, to make it more family friendly. So, how did an R-rated franchise get made into an NES game?? Come to think of it, it’s amazing that so many R-rated movies got turned into NES games. Rambo, Die Hard, Platoon, Dirty Harry… Yeah, maybe we’ll get to that one another time.
So here we go. Level 1, Nash Street. RoboCop’s just walkin’ down the street punching everyone he sees, and they all just run straight at ‘im. If I saw a giant robot punching everyone in Detroit, I’d get as far away as possible! Oh, and that music! I hope you like the first ten seconds of the RoboCop movie theme, because it’s all you hear for the entire game! It’s kinda like a weird techno remix. So a few seconds into the game, you hit your first major obstacle. What is it? Motorcycle men? No. Rabid dogs? No. Purple jump-kicking guys? No. Flying machine guys? No. It’s the stairs. These stairs are one of the most frustrating things in the game. It might as well be an enemy! GET ON THOSE STAIRS! You have to be in the perfect spot, or he just walks past them. He used them fine in the movie, it was ED-209 that had the problem with the stairs. Also, RoboCop doesn’t jump. Well, at least that means there’s no shitty platforming. So after punching and shooting most of Detroit, you hit the first boss: A giant red mutant man wearing boots and no pants.
You just punch him over and over. Yeah! Punch ’em! Punch ’em! Punch ’em! Mrrgh! Great police work there, Officer Murphy! After you beat the level, RoboCop flaps his gums at you. Bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh! Why does RoboCop look like such an idiot?! Ble-ble-ble-ble-bleh ble-beh! Ble-ble-ble-ble-bleh bleh! In level 2, you have to save they Mayor at city hall. The red mutant man is in this level too, but now he’s blue and he’s just a normal enemy, not a boss. I guess he got a demotion after you kicked his ass. Fight your way upstairs to save the Mayor, just shoot the guy when the Mayor ducks. Most of the time you’ll end up shooting the Mayor and not the bad guy. It requires perfect timing. After a few hits, the boss lets go of the Mayor. Shoot ‘im a few more times, and he freaks out and flaps around dead. Now on to Clarence Boddicker’s drug warehouse.